there’s a part of me I can’t get back
a little girl grew up too fast
all the pain and the truth
I wear like a battle wound
It is not that Castiel was ever without fear. It is that he never gave into it.
He did not tumble in fully formed, knowing all the ways of the world. He learned them.
It is not that he has never been weak. It is that his defiance gave him a second strength. It’s not that he never grew angry. It’s that he always unclenched his fist. His expectations were not few, but he always expected the most from himself.
He’s not a saint. He is, and ever will be, an angel.
It is not that he had no doubts. It is that even with doubt, he mustered resolve, and committed fully. He would hang his faith on branches that others considered too fragile to bear fruit. In spite of everything, he is a creature of hope.
He couldn’t save them all. He couldn’t spare them all. But how he wished to!
Few would call him good with words, but never mind. His actions always spoke with the greatest clarity. They are what those who believe in him hear.
Some might call him too sombre. Moments where he lights up with joy are rare. Special. Some might call him too still. Still waters run deep. Things can be lost on him. But never the things that matter.
The strongest? The quickest? The smartest? The purest? Perhaps not. He worked with what he had. It took everything to get him here. What didn’t kill him made him stronger. So did what did kill him. The sum is greatness.
He has been hurt, but can see past his own pain to soothe the hurt of others. He is not untouchable. There is a youth to him, in firelight.
Or perhaps it is just mortality.
It is not that he never fell, but that he always stood up one more time.
We can never look upon him as he really is. But do we really need to see to comprehend? After all of his experiences, his wings and grace must resemble patchwork. Fine material, but torn here, and shredded there. His heart is ragged and worn – it took the greatest damage. It was the greatest target, after all. Too much heart was always Castiel’s problem. But ragged and worn, it still beats. Every last piece of him has been sewn together with golden thread, each resurrection in stitches more hurried than the last. Broken and fixed, repeatedly, always imperfectly.
The result is a peculiar thing, but still just Castiel.
"It was a normal day, and then just… dark. And then I was just… falling. How could that happen?" "I don’t know."
Ok, here we go.
Anon, I’ll assume you sent all three asks that I got recently, and just publish this one for expediency. It got, uh, very thorough…but it was about time I wrote something on this anyway.
First off, I certainly would have loved an angel spin-off. It’s somewhat galling that there will now be a ‘spin-off’ that has nothing to do with this popular element or the iconic character that drew legions of new fans into the show. I’ve obviously been dissatisfied with how they handled Castiel’s storylines – it was very exciting to hear about his God quest in Season 5 and then the civil war of Season 6…only for them to end up almost entirely off-screen. In fact, the way things turned out, these ‘arcs’ practically became excuses to keep him off-screen. Heaven knows why, when Castiel was a breath of fresh air, a gift of a character who brought an entire new world with him when he touched down in Season 4.
Onto that, then, and some thoughts about Season 6 - which the first ask was concerned with - under the cut…