i wanna cry and i wanna love but all my tears have been used up
au: cas is haunted by memories and visions of balthazar while in purgatory.
but when people completely forget about balthazar’s existence and are like “[insert character who is not balthazar] is the only one on the show to really care about cas the most and not use him~” or say that another character cared about/loved cas more than balthazar did, i just.
balthazar and cas are brothers. they’re friends. they’ve fought by each others sides and they’ve likely known each other for BILLIONS of years. balthazar was the only angel to stand up for cas when he was dragged back to heaven during 4x20. the ONLY one. balthazar could’ve just killed raphael’s follower when he showed up in 6x03 and then left, but he didn’t. he fucking stayed there and waited for cas to show up. like, he basically ended up endangering his own safety—something he’s apparently all so about—just to see cas again and reconnect with him. (also, srsly, his FACE when cas finally does show up.) "as far as i’m concerned, you and me, cas? nothing’s changed. we’re brothers. of course i want to help you." and even though the conversation between them doesn’t end on a high note, balthazar still tells cas how happy he was to’ve seen him. and while he does leave once raphael shows up, he comes back to save cas from him. even though, again, he could’ve easily just left and saved himself. even when cas allows the winchesters to trap and threaten him, balthazar still does what cas asks and lets aaron go, and he doesn’t harbor any ill will toward cas for that—just the winchesters. he uses himself as bait twice in order to give cas the weapons (his only real leverage) and the only thing he even asks of cas in return is that cas keep himself safe. he unsinks the titanic for cas, takes the blame for it, tries to help cas kill atropos, and, when that doesn’t work, helps sink the titanic again. instead of, say, trapping cas in holy fire to “talk” to him, balthazar calls cas down to a forest and just asks what’s going on between him and crowley. his first concern with the purgatory plan is that it could get cas killed. he joins team winchester because he’s trying to save cas’s life. and he’s so torn up about the whole thing that he contemplated killing dean instead. he’s the only person to even own up to that what he’s doing, what the winchesters are doing, is a betrayal to cas. he could’ve easily left after cas said he’d handle things by himself, but he didn’t. once again, he stayed for cas. to ask if he was okay because he could tell that he wasn’t, and then he tries to comfort cas by telling him that he always has him. even when cas freakin’ kills him, balthazar isn’t angry. also yeah, idgaf, imma include things seb has said here too because this obviously had to go into his portrayal of balthazar: "there’s a true love for castiel” + "there’s his eternal allegiance to castiel” + "we love each other and would do anything for one another.” i mean, ffs, even the name balthazar means “god/lord protect the king" and cas is the man who would be KING.
JUST SERIOUSLY. DON’T TRY TO TELL ME THAT ANY CHARACTER ON THE SHOW LOVED AND CARED ABOUT CAS MORE THAN BALTHAZAR DID AND WAS MORE SELFLESS THAN HIM WHERE CAS IS CONCERNED, OKAY.
"There is a very strong brotherly bond between Balthazar and Castiel. We love each other and would do anything for one another." — Sebastian Roché